October 2024: Making Choices

Needless to say, this fall has been a time of making choices for all of us with the most recent national and local elections. November is also the traditional time when our students are deciding about “early decision” or “early action” for colleges and universities. It is a time of making choices, and it can be stressful.

In her book, “The Art of Choosing,” Sheena Iyengar, Professor of Business in the Management Department at Columbia Business School, talks about heuristics - “rules of thumb” - we adopt to make our decision-making a bit easier at times. She shares that heuristics work at the conscious level, as well as the subconscious level, which create “snap judgments and hunches.” Misuse of our heuristics can create decision-making biases, of which Professor Iyengar discusses four of the most common heuristics: availability, framing, patterns, and confirmation biases. To quickly summarize, availability has to do with what our brain is able to recall about a subject, and we tend to have better recall of things that heighten our senses or appeal to our emotions. Framing or reframing is the ability to recontextualize or consider information from a different perspective in order to make a decision. Looking for patterns is something our minds do to create order and organize pieces of information, forming relationships among them. Finally, confirmation biases allow us to reject information that challenges our existing beliefs, even after we have completed what we consider to be objective analyses. 

The heuristics we develop, while recognizing our personal biases, can help us make our decision-making less stressful, particularly those we consider to be potentially life-changing like choosing a career path or getting married. Professor Iyengar writes, “There is, in fact, no way to completely avoid choice: No matter how you answer the question, ‘To choose or not to choose?', you always make a choice. But that choice need not leave you feeling tortured.” (p.255) We can reduce our anxiety and potential feeling of regret in making a “wrong choice,” by consciously narrowing our choices and by delegating parts of our decisions through conversations with “experts” and trusted, informed mentors. 

In a similar way Rev. A. Washington Jarvis, former long-time headmaster of Roxbury-Latin School and author discusses choices, stress, and coping with pressure, in his book, “With Love and Prayers.” In the context of students, he suggests that a major cause of stress is optimism - a very interesting theory. We have generally heard that positive motivation and feedback is important for students’ success. Rev. Jarvis posits, “In my experience, it is foolish to expect things to go well.” He suggests that we should be hopeful pessimists, recognizing that often times hard work is not rewarded to the extent or degree that we believe it should. Lowering our expectations, however, does not mean that we should put less effort into our work. On the contrary, good effort builds in us a sense of self-worth and a reservoir of finding satisfaction in the work itself, knowing what we have accomplished without external recognition. For example, Rev. Jarvis writes that at Roxbury-Latin, “students are told not to set their hearts on Brand X college. You might not get it. The wise pessimists expect the worst. The foolish optimists; however, do get their hearts set on Brand X college, and the end result is devastation when they don’t get in.” (p. 114) 

I do believe that hopeful pessimists might be more grateful throughout their lives, in that they expect to encounter challenges and difficulties, and truly appreciate and are grateful for celebrations of success and achievements. I think of Olympic athletes who prepare tirelessly for years to compete, yet never receive a medal. It seems that their grit, determination, and inner-drive motivate them as much as if not more than receiving a medal. Jarvis believes hopeful pessimists are happy people, suggesting that an optimist will continually be disappointed when hopes are not realized. 

Still, all of us have to deal with pressures in life, and always preparing for the worst and hoping for the best can be overwhelming at times. Jarvis suggests that making a written list of our worries can be one way of relieving some of the pressure we may feel. Much like the instruction I received at a Franklin Planner Seminar I attended years ago, he suggests categorizing our worries - A, B, and C - from “must do and can’t change” to “will address if I have the time.” I have found this to be a helpful practice not just for organizing my work, but for being able to manage the daily pressures and demands of life. Finally, Jarvis concludes and I concur that a personal prayer life is most important when things land on our A-B-C lists that are too large to handle by ourselves.

Making choices comes with consequences, and sometimes they are unexpected and perhaps too much to handle. Even though we develop the best decision-making skills based on our heuristics and other resources, and maintain a hopeful pessimistic view of things so as not to be too deflated when things don’t turn out the way we expected, but happily surprised when they do, there are times when we just need to pray. 

There are so many ways to pray, but for me, I just like to have a conversation with God. I find myself taking a few minutes at different times throughout the day to share my thoughts and feelings with God. As the conversation progresses, sometimes verbalizing my prayer and sometimes praying in silence, a new thought or image will come into my mind that helps me with reframing situations or making choices. 

Iyengar writes, “To choose means to turn ourselves to the future.” (p. 260) Jarvis advises, “Sometimes in life you just have to hold on. Ignore those who tell you, ‘This is all folly,’ and you will find the Object of your longing. Then you can return home, to the rest of your life, by a different route.” (p. 101) The rest of our lives are yet to be lived, and in the unknowing, we can be fearful or excited about the impact of the choices we make now for the future. Interestingly, both authors - Iyengar and Jarvis - conclude their thoughts with the quote from T.S. Elliot’s work, “Little Gidding,” 

Understanding our heuristics as explained by Iyengar and adopting a hopeful pessimism as Jarvis describes are helpful strategies to cope with the stress and anxiety of making choices that are a part of life. It is, however, through developing our own prayer life that we come to know our true selves and purpose as we stand undisguised before our Creator.